


How to (not) get over someone

by blueknees



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Drug Use, Panic Attacks, alcohol use, broganes, non-binary Pidge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 11:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21493777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueknees/pseuds/blueknees
Summary: Keith and Lance are broken up right? So why does Keith still see Lance everywhere he goes? Why does his heart still hurt whenever Lance comes close? Why can't he think about anything else? He's pretty sure that casual hate-sex and ferris wheel rides don't help getting over someone but it can't hurt right? Right?
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	How to (not) get over someone

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I'm really new to this and have no Idea how to add Tags that aren't already suggested so I'm gonna list of a couple of things that are also featured in here:  
-minor drug use  
-alcohol use  
-Non-Binary Pidge  
That's all that I wanted to add.

The restaurant is over filled and Keith can't find any table to seat the nice young couple that just came in. Obviously you wouldn't get in on a Friday evening without a reservation. But the couple is nice and Keith wants to make an effort. Nice customers are rare in this industry. Frustrated that he can't find a place Keith goes back to the reception and takes a look at the seating for this evening. He smiles apologetically at the couple. "The next table would be free in an hour." The tall man gives a disappointed look to his girlfriend then smiles at Keith and says : "Sorry for the inconvenience we will look around the area for another restaurant." Keith nods his head. Just as they're leaving Jamal approaches him. "Keith I'm gonna need you to cover the tables in the back. We are way understaffed." Keith huffs out a breath of annoyance then he makes his way to the back, plastering on his nicest customer service smile. He gets some menus from behind the bar counter on his way and then he's off to table 23." Hello my name is Keith, I will be your waiter for today. How can I ge-" A growl from one of the guests makes him stop in his perfectly feigned waiter speech. He looks up and instantly has to hold in a groan. "Lance.", he says coldly. "Keith.", the response is just as cold and hits him right in the guts. Before he can go on he takes a quick look at the other side of the table where a guy is sitting, clearly confused. He is tall, has blonde hair and green eyes. He is really pretty. Just Lance's type, Keith would say. "What are you doing here?" Keith's interest is pulled back to his ex-boyfriend who isn't looking too happy about seeing him. "What am I doing here? I work here. You know that. Better question: what are you doing here?" Lance rolls his eyes as if it is obvious. "You don't work Fridays." Keith rolls his eyes right back. "Yeah well we're understaffed." A slightly uncomfortable cough comes from the other side of the table and Lance and Keith both shift their attention to the attractive boy. "I think… I should go?" It sounds like a question and none of the three boys seem to be sure whether it is or isn't. "No please stay.", Lance says and even though it pains him Keith has to agree with him. "Sorry I'll start again. Hello my name is Keith, I will be your waiter for today, how can I get you started?" They start off with some wine and also order a plate of Tapas alongside it. Just as Keith leaves their table he hears a shy: "So what was that all about?" He shakes his head huffing out once more a breath of annoyance and takes up the orders from the other tables. He has way too much work on his plate right now to get sidetracked by his annoying ex. 

His shift has just ended as Keith sees Lance leaving the restaurant. He's alone and the boy he was with is nowhere to be seen. Keith quickly grabs his bag and runs after Lance, not really knowing why but knowing he has to. "So…", he exclaims as he reaches Lance, "No luck today huh?" All he gets is an eye roll. "I mean it probably wasn't a good idea in the first place to take him here." This time Lance reacts "What do you want Keith?" Keith sighs. He doesn't know. Or… Maybe he does. "I want to talk." Lance shakes his head. "There is nothing to be said between the both of us." "Please… Lance." He sounds desperate. He knows he sounds desperate. "Nothing. To. Be. Said." Lance puts weight on each word. "But… I didn't mean to. Really I didn't mean to." He doesn't know if Lance really cares about what he has to say but he knows that somehow he has to make him listen. "Do you hate me that much? That you won't even listen to me?" Lance looks away. "Yeah. I hate you. I hate you so much." Keith grabs his wrist and makes him stop in his tracks. They stand still, Lance looking to the side like a kid that has just been caught stealing candy and Keith staring directly at him. "Then why… Why do you still show up everywhere I go? Why?", he hopes he doesn't sound desperate anymore but he is pretty sure that he probably sounds it even more. "Because…", Lance mumbles. He doesn't speak up for another half a minute and when he does again it's not what Keith wants to hear: "Because I hate you. So much. I hate you." Now Lance is looking back at him again. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." but it doesn't sound mad. It sounds soft and light like he is whispering sweet nothings at Keith. "I hate you." Then suddenly Lance's mouth reaches Keith's. They take a taxi back to Lance's and in what feels like a matter of minutes they're undressed and in bed together. 

The lights outside are creating liny shadows through the shades. Inside everything is quiet. The bed is warm. Keith wants to feel at peace. It's just like always, isn't it? Just like it's always been. The bed, the quiet, the shades. Everything is the same. But it doesn't feel the same. Lance seems indifferent to what has just happened. He's not lying next to Keith, he's sitting at the edge of the bed and he looks sad. And Keith wants to feel at peace but he can't when the person he loves most is looking so sad and is acting so indifferent towards him. "You should go." It isn't what he wants to hear but he knows that Lance is right. He should go. He starts to get dressed, looks for his socks and when he can't find them Lance just silently holds up a pair of his own. Disappointment bubbles up in Keith's stomach, to a point where it almost makes him feel nauseous. "I still love you.", he can't think as fast as the words leave his mouth. "I still love you." But Lance just shakes his head. Doesn't even react really. Just shakes his head. "You really should go." Keith wants to cry but he forces himself to be strong for now. He leaves the apartment and he doesn't cry until he has arrived back at his own. Then all he can think about is "I still love you." and "You really should go." 

I still love you, still love you, love you, you.  
You really should go, really should go, really go, go. 

The library is filled with students just like Keith who have to finish their homework before the next semester starts up again. He tries to concentrate on the passage in his book but like the last twelve times his mind wanders off and he has to start reading it again. Frustrated he throws his head back and fully leans into the shitty, uncomfortable chair. "Okay, I give in. What's up?" Shiro is sitting across from him, his face scrunched up in an annoyed grimace but he also looks a bit worried. "Nothing is up.", Keith answers, trying to gloss over his frustration. "Yeah, I don't think so." Shiro really wants to get an answer from him. "I just… I  
I can't concentrate." It's not a lie. He's not sure whether he should tell Shiro about what happened between him and Lance. After all it was meaningless right? They didn't talk afterwards. Nothing has changed. Lance still hates him. "Come on… there's more to it, isn't there?" Keith shakes his head. "Nope." He really pops the p to make sure that it seems just as laid back and chill as he intended. Nothing's wrong. It was a mistake, it was meaningless. Lance still hates him. "Okay if you say so.", Shiro doesn't seem convinced but he finally changes the topic. "So… Pidges birthday." Keith furrows his brows. "Dude that's still like a month away." Shiro chuckles. "It's this Saturday. The 3rd remember?" Something that will never change. Keith's complete incompetence to remember birthdays. "Oh." That's all he can say. "Are you going?" Keith has to think about that question for a second. "I'm not sure I am invited." An awkward smile, then : "Well you are… They just asked me to invite you." Sadness fills up Keith and he feels his guts twisting. "Why didn't they ask me themselves?" Shiros smile mirrors Keith's emotions. "I… You know how it's been for them with Lance and all." Keith blows out a breath to steady himself. "So they can't ask me personally to come to their birthday but I should still turn up?" Keith starts packing up his things. The weight of sadness is starting to get too much for him. "You know it's not like we are some divorced couple. It's fine… He goes on with his life and I go on with mine." Shiro gets up and puts a hand on his shoulders like he always does. Shiro- the calm one, the one who always has everything under control. "Keith. It's alright. You don't have to go." That lets out all the air. Every last bit of anger, disappointment and sadness leaves and all Keith can do is stand still and try not to cry again. After a couple of seconds and extensive breathing he turns to Shiro."I will be there." Then he takes his bag and leaves the library. An empty void is starting to fill up his stomach. 

The void doesn't disappear until Saturday evening. In fact it is still prevalent in his stomach and he doesn't really know how to fill it. He rings the door twice before anyone opens and when someone does it is none other than Lance. Lance doesn't look at him. Just opens the door and leaves again. There aren't many people at the party. Just the usual group and maybe ten people who visit the same classes as Pidge. Keith doesn't know any of them and from the usual group everyone seems to be doing something. Shiro and Adam are off in some corner making out. Pidge and Hunk are playing a round of Mario Kart while most people are watching. Allura and Matt are guarding the kitchen and the only one who doesn't seem to be doing something is Lance. The only person that Keith can't talk to. Keith walks to the kitchen, gets a glass of wine and takes a seat at the table opposite of the TV. He empties the glass in a matter of minutes and because he doesn't know what else to do he gets another one. On the second one Allura gives him a reproachful look but he ignores it and sits back down on his place from where he can watch everyone. The round of Mario Kart ends and Pidge gives their controller to Lance. They get up and join Keith at the table. "So you came." Keith nods and doesn't say anything. Just looks at the little puddle of wine that he has accidentally spilled and starts drawing patterns with it on the table. "You don't really seem to enjoy yourself." Keith chuckles. "Yeah no shit Pidge." Pidge is starting to look annoyed. "Is it because of what happened with Lance?" Keith hums. "So he told you huh?" Pidge rolls her eyes. "Of course he told us. He's our best friend Keith." That leaves Keith a bit dumbfounded. "Us? Who else knows? Please tell me that Shiro doesn't know." Pidge shakes her head. "He doesn't know. It's just me, Hunk and Allura." Keith sighs in relief. "Good. Let's keep it that way. It was a mistake." A mistake, meaningless… Pidge frowns. "He doesn't seem to…" "He thinks so as well, believe me. After all he was the one who asked me to leave." With that Keith gets up to get his third glass of wine. Pidge stays sat at their place and stares at him from across the room, shaking their head softly at the two idiots.

After three glasses of wine the world doesn't seem too bad anymore. More people have come and someone has turned on some music. Keith is sitting on the couch with three other guys, watching Hunk and Allura play another round of Mario Kart. Outside two people are smoking a joint and whenever someone opens the door the faint smell of Marijuana wafts into the living room. Keith feels himself getting more comfortable. He doesn't talk to anyone, just sits there looking at the screen where Allura is definitely winning this match. Just as he feels the comfortable warmth growing in his stomach, out of the corner of his eye he notices someone nearing their cozy little round. When he looks up he directly meets the ocean blue eyes of Lance. Lance, who is walking directly towards him. Panic starts to settle in the pit of his stomach, completely wiping away any comfort that was starting to build. Sheer and utter panic because God damn Lance is walking towards him and Lance isn't looking happy. Just when he is only a couple of inches away Keith sits up, completely turning his back towards unhappy looking Lance. "So what are your majors?" It's pure luck because just as he sits up one of the guys he is sharing his place with speaks up. Everyone lists of their major but Keith isn't really listening. He doesn't notice that everyone goes quiet until someone clears their throat." Oh I'm majoring in rocket engineering." That strikes up a conversation that distracts Keith for a while. When it ends Lance is nowhere to be seen anymore. Keith gets up and joins the guys outside taking a Puff or two from the joint.He instantly feels sick. Like always he starts feeling the effects of it almost directly after and when he enters the living room again he has to stop himself from going directly for the food. He walks past the group on the couch and goes directly to the kitchen. Matt and Allura aren't there anymore and he fills himself a glass of water and stands around. Alone and lonely. Which currently seems to happen a lot more than he would like. 

The bedroom is empty so no one sees him entering and sitting down on the small armchair that Pidge usually plays from. He knows he should have told them that he was going here and if they knew about it it probably wouldn't be a big deal but they seemed too into the discussion they were having and Keith didn't want to disturb it. He pulls his legs up so he is sitting completely on the chair, gets out his headphones and turns on some music. Then he just stares at the ceiling for a while not really sure how fast time is actually passing. When he looks on his phone it seems like only a couple of minutes have passed. But the songs seem longer than usual and the music seems louder. Just as the next song starts playing the door opens and Lance walks in. Of course it would be him but Keith isn't panicking like he would usually. Lance says something to him. "Huh?" Keith takes out one of the earphones. "I just asked if you were hiding from me?" Keith shakes his head. "Why would I be hiding?", in his head the sentence is sustained. "So why did you avoid me earlier?" He doesn't answer Keith's question but then again Keith didn't answer his. They're playing a game of twenty questions without any answers or so it seems. "Why did you want to talk to me?" "Why did you avoid me?" Lance is persistent on getting his answer. But so is Keith. "Why did you want to talk to me?" The words seem to mush together the more he repeats the question. "Why did you leave that night?" It stops him in his tracks. "You…", he mutters, doesn't really know what to answer, "You wanted me to go." Lance shakes his head. "I said that you should go. I didn't want you to go." Keith wants to cry. He feels he might be about to. "You… You're a dick.", it's all that he is able to say and he doesn't even mean it. "Wow okay…" Lance just stands there and doesn't answer. He just stares and Keith starts to get incredibly uncomfortable. "You… Wait are you high?" Lance just sounds confused. Maybe angry. "You aren't?" It's stupid and it's supposed to be funny but it doesn't sound funny, it just sounds meaningless. "Wow I can't believe you." Now Lance sounds really angry. "You don't do that anymore remember?" who does he think he is? "Who do you think you are?" It's the easiest question that comes to mind right now. "You don't know what I do and do not do anymore." he hisses. It sounds way angrier than he actually is. "Okay you should probably go home. Before you ruin Pidges birthday." Keith laughs bitterly. "You don't tell me what I should do." And Lance breathes in sharply. "Yeah okay… I'm taking you home." He pulls up Keith and as much as Keith wants to resist he can't. Because Lance is touching him and he still goes soft under Lance's touch, even after all this time. Even though Lance hates him, even though everything is over and broken and will never be the same again. Even though he can't feel at peace with himself anymore when Lance is around. Keith goes soft and let's himself be pulled up. He goes soft and let's Lance put him in his coat. He goes soft and let's Lance guide him outside the apartment and then they are walking through the city that has gone relatively quiet around this time. Just some drunks and party goers and Lance and Keith on the streets. They walk past the park and suddenly Keith remembers the place they used to frequently visit when they were drunk around this time of night. He lets go of the warm hand that has been pulling him along and follows the diversion that leads him right to the playground. Lance follows him muttering a couple of curses underneath his breath, trying to get him to turn around. But Keith is set on his tracks. Set on going back. Putting the pieces back in the place where they belong because everything might be broken but he hopes, he hopes and he wishes so, so badly, that they can be put back together again. The swingset is still there. Of course. Where would it go? And he takes his seat on the left swing like he used to do and points at the right one for Lance to follow. Lance rolls his eyes but he sits down and starts swinging. "We always used to go here." It is quiet yet still it breaks the silence and stands in between them like he had just screamed it out. "I still love you." he has to say it. Needs Lance to know, to understand that this is all that matters. "I still love you." Lance snaps: "Stop saying that." Keith breath stops for a second. Then he goes quiet. And then… Tears. A lot of them. He can't stop them, can't hold them back, can't force himself to be a grown up about this anymore. "Keith?" The voice next to him sounds panicked. "Keith?" Keith can't answer. His throat is tied up and not a single word escapes his mouth just the whimpering and the choked breaths. The tears won't stop, won't let him breath. "Keith please say something." Suddenly Lance isn't sitting on the swing anymore. He is standing right in front of Keith, holding him by his shoulders, looking worried. Looking really worried. But Keith can't stop crying and he can't breath. Lance pulls him off the swing so he is standing right in front of him. Keith still remembers when Lance was taller than him. But now they're about the same height, so they're looking right into each others eyes. He gets pulled into a hug and he can smell the cinnamon and lemon cologne that Lance usually wears. The familiar smell, the soft breathing in his ear. Just as suddenly as the tears came they stop again. "Just breathe. In and out…" The calm voice directly next to his ear is whispering and Keith makes sure to follow the instructions because he's sure he could suffocate if he doesn't. 

Lance is off with one of the frat guys they have met just today. It's a fraternity Christmas party so of course the house is swamped with those guys and Keith doesn't know anybody except Francisco and Lance. He wishes Pidge or Hunk could have joined them but of course they are both home completely over the holidays. Lance has offered to take Keith back home to his family but Keith doesn't want to be a bother. Shiro would usually spend Christmas with him but this year he has decided to join Adam and they left for Chicago this morning. So Keith and Lance spend the last day before Christmas together at some fraternity party before Lance leaves as well and Keith will be all alone. Keith feels lonely already. Lance has left him all by himself, Francisco who he knows from one of his Physic courses is making out with some blonde bombshell by the buffet and Keith is sitting all alone on one of the couches hoping someone will strike up the conversation. And low and behold finally someone does. It's a dude-bro with long white hair and broad shoulders who introduces himself as Lotor. Interesting name Keith has to admit and they do have a lot to talk about. Maybe Lotor is flirting a little with him and maybe Keith pretends not to notice. Maybe Keith is even flirting back a little. Maybe, just maybe. "So you're from Texas?", Lotor asks and Keith can't tell if his interest is feigned or genuine. "Yeah… Well I was raised there. I don't actually know where I was born. I was adopted." He doesn't really know if he's oversharing but he just throws it out there and hopes that it doesn't kill the mood. "Oh… and what is Texas like then?" Okay so apparently it doesn't. "I don't know… Kinda just warm and southern you know?" It's supposed to be a joke and Lotor actually huffs out a small breath of amusement. Suddenly his hand is lying on Keith's leg and Keith realizes the situation he's in. He wants to get up but Lotors hand is still on his leg. He tries to push it off but it always crawls back up again. "Look I have a boyfriend.", he doesn't sound confident at all but it should be enough right? "He doesn't need to know baby." Keith wants to get up, he really wants to. But suddenly there is a pair of lips on his. And his first instinct isn't to leave. It's to kiss back. But he gets a hold of himself, realizes that he has been drinking too much, realizes that he would never do such a thing and pulls away. He pulls away and all he can see is a disappointed look from piercing blue eyes. He pulls away and realizes that he has just destroyed everything. He pulls away and he realizes that the pieces are broken and they can't be put together anymore. 

Keith wakes up in his bed, alone, not a trace that there has been someone else here just a few hours ago. He wishes that Lance was still here. That he could explain and that they could finally talk like adults about everything that has happened. But Lance has gone home, probably sick and tired of helping Keith out of these messes he creates over and over again. Keith gets up. It's just eight in the morning and he hasn't had a lot of sleep because even though Lance dropped him of at two, he stayed until three and Keith didn't sleep until four. They didn't even say goodbye. Keith pretended to have fallen asleep and Lance knew that he really wasn't but he sat at his bed for an entire hour and then just left. It's Sunday. Sunday means the shops aren't open. Sunday means that college hasn't started yet. Sunday means that Keith is alone sitting on all this self-hatred and confusion. Sunday means that Shiro and Adam are having breakfast somewhere together and Hunk and Shay are out on a date together and Matt and Pidge are visiting their parents and Allura is visiting Coran to help him with the flower shop and Keith is… alone. And the only person he wants to have by his side hates him. He cooks breakfast with the bare minimum that he still has left in his fridge. Two slices of bacon, one egg and a stale piece of bread. He cleans his apartment. Even the record player that he barely uses anymore. He washes his clothes. The black pile is way bigger than the white pile and he almost accidentally overfills the washing machine. And when there's nothing left to do anymore not even homework he sits down on the small balcony and texts Lance because it's the only thing he wants to do right now. Lance is over just half an hour later, with coffee just like Keith likes it. It brings up faint memories from Sundays before. But he knows that this isn't like the Sundays before. They sit together at the table, just quiet, no one says anything. "Thank you for bringing me home last night.", Keith breaks the silence after finishing his coffee. "You really shouldn't have gotten high." Keith feels guilty. So guilty. "I know." He hopes that Lance can hear the guilt that is making him squirm. "Why did you text me?", Lance says it coldly. "I didn't want to be alone." Lance nods and Keith hopes that it's a good sign. They go back to being silent. The quiet between them fills up the entire room. "Why…" Keith breaks himself off before he can finish the sentence. But then he shakes his head realizes that he has to get it out. It needs to be said. "Why can't we go back to how things were?" Lance doesn't answer for quite a while. Just looks at him like there's something that he wants to understand but can't quite grasp. "You know why." Keith really doesn't but he feels that if he keeps pushing this thing Lance will just get mad again. "I heard there's a fair in town this weekend. Want to go with me?", Lance asks as if it was the most normal thing to say to your ex-boyfriend that you kind of hate. And Keith goes soft like pudding. "Sure… I just- I probably should change." He really should, after all he is still sitting in his Pyjamas. "Yeah me too… I came over right after my morning workout." Lance says and Keith just now notices that he is in fact wearing a pair of sweatpants and a muscle shirt. "Pick you up at twelve?", Lance asks and Keith nods his head. He wants to push down the feelings of giddyness that start dancing around in his stomach just as Lance closes the door and leaves but he can't. He feels like a tightrope-walker who is dancing upon a thin, thin rope. He could fall any time and he knows that even if he gets to the end of it, it won't be the end he expected or the one he wants. But he knows that he wants to dance upon this rope for as long as he is able to. 

Five minutes after twelve Lance is standing in front of Keith's door again. They take their time getting out of the apartment, the fresh air of an April morning creeping under their coats and making them shiver a bit. They walk all the way across the city, to the square where the fair is taking place. There's a ferris wheel and lots of food booths. Of course they firstly get some cotton candy and walk across the square, trying to make a plan of attack on all the activities they could possibly do. There's a haunted house and one of those mirror mazes and they have to play Rock Paper Scissors to decide which one they visit first. Lance wants to go to the haunted house while Keith wants to see the mirror maze. Mirror maze wins and while Keith gets through it quite fast Lance gets lost somewhere so Keith has to go in a second time and lead him out of it. They take a small break afterwards or at least they plan to but then the temptation of the haunted house gets too big and they buy their tickets and sit down in one of the carts. Keith mostly hides behind Lance for the majority of the ride but it's still fun except when one of the actors jumps directly at him and Keith almost punches him in his face. But Lance holds him back and they get out of the haunted house without having broken someones nose and a possible lawsuit so everything is fine. Everything is fine. Keith is having fun. Keith almost forgets that the air between them is thick and that there's a ton of problems just waiting to be fixed by them. He almost forgets. They have lunch and then take a ride on the ferris wheel and for the first time since they got to the fair it is quiet between them again. "When do you start working again?" Lance asks and Keith is surprised because why would Lance know that he has had a free week. "Tomorrow." Lance raises his eyebrows at him. "Just on the day that college starts again?" Keith shrugs his shoulders. "I can manage both." He is sure that that settles it and that the silence will start again and that this is just how it is now but Lance speaks up again: "Don't overwork yourself again. You know how bad it got last time." Keith nods and smiles. "My work plan is way less full this semester. It will be fine." This time the silence actually starts up again but Keith feels, and hopes that Lance feels the same, that it isn't quite as uncomfortable this time. They reach the top of the ferris wheel and even though Keith usually gets scared of heights he dares a look at his surroundings. It is beautiful. You can see the entire city from up there. When he glances back at Lance his dark eyes meet the light blue eyes and Lance tips forward and pushes their lips together softly. It confuses the hell out of Keith but he isn't going to question it. Isn't going to make Lance mad at him again. The ride continues back down again and it is like a switch has been turned. The Realisation where they are and what they are to each other catches back up to Lance and Keith. They leave the ferris wheel quietly and neither one of them looks back. It's pretty late in the afternoon and they start to make their way back to Keith's apartment. 

It's six in the evening and the sky is already starting to get darker. As night settles in everything starts turning into silhouettes and shadows and on the balcony where Lance and Keith are cozily wrapped in blankets, drinking wine from tea cups, the only thing actually illuminated are their faces, which have a slight red tint. The silence has returned and Keith is incapable of feeling whether it is as heavy as usual or just cozy. He has no way of distinguishing it. Things have gotten so mixed up the past few days. Constantly stuck between love and hatred, comfortable and hurt. "It was nice today.", Keith says quietly. Lance nods and he almost smiles. "It was like it used to be." And any trace of a smile that was just appearing suddenly dissolves in a grimace of anger again. "Keith…" Lance says and he starts to unravel out of his blanket cocoon. "Keith I think we should stop seeing each other. For real this time." Keith freezes. Fully freezes and it almost makes the glass in his hand slip. "Why?", his voice breaks. Fully breaks and he can feel tears in his eyes again. "We aren't good for each other." Keith can feel Lance slipping away. Can practically see the door closing behind him already. He has to get him back. Now. He has to do something so that Lance doesn't leave. He jumps forward and pulls Lance into his arms but Lance doesn't want to be in his arms. "Why? Why? Please tell me why." Lance gets up. "Why can't things be like they used to again?" And that finally makes Lance stop. "I didn't mean to break us up. I didn't mean to kiss him. I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to, I did not mean to." And Lance sighs and turns to him and finally, finally words leave his mouth again. "I know you didn't mean to. But things… Things can't go back to the way they were. It's over Keith, don't you think so? Don't you feel like we have changed? Grown apart?" Keith doesn't answer. Just starts crying but he knows that this time Lance won't save him. This time Lance is gone and the door closes both in his head and in real life. And Keith is all alone again.

Please don't leave me, don't leave me, leave me, me.  
Just please don't go, please don't go, don't go, go.  
I really love you, really love you, love you, you.

The week passes by in a blur. Keith goes back to college and even though he tries not to he still looks out for Lance everywhere, even though the campus is too big and Lance doesn't share any classes with him. Keith goes back to work and he hopes that Lance will show up with some date and afterwards they will hate-fuck and maybe get drunk together but the only people he recognizes is the nice couple from Friday two weeks ago. It feels like that was ages ago. At the end of the evening they smile nicely at Keith and give him a twenty dollar tip even though he just worked the register that night. The week passes by in a blur and before he can avoid it it is Friday night and Shiro has dragged him out to a bar. They're joined by Adam and Allura and everyone except for Keith seem to be having a good time. Keith is constantly checking up the time on his phone waiting for an hour to pass so he can say he's tired and walk back home. Just as he opens up the home screen again, Shiro softly pinches his arm. "Hey stop making that face. You're destroying the mood." Keith bites his lip and swallows down the bitter remark that is crawling its way up his throat. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired." Shiro shakes his head. "Bullshit Keith. Hunk texted me a couple days ago. I know everything." Keith feels like he's just been caught planning a robbery. "I…", he can't get himself to say anything. "Why didn't you tell me?", Shiros voice has gone soft, "I mean… You're my brother and I really thought there were no secrets between us." Keith raises his eyebrows. "Okay so no major secrets. Of course I don't need to know every person you sleep with. Just the important ones. And Lance is pretty important to you isn't he?" Keiths frown deepens. He can't answer that but the answer is so obvious that he doesn't have to." Come on… Why didn't you tell me? " An inhale, an exhale and then he answers:" Because it's over Shiro. Really over this time and I couldn't let it be over. I feel like… Super alone right now and I don't know how to go on." Shiro furrows his eyebrows. "Really? I always thought…" he doesn't finish the sentence but he doesn't have to. "You always thought that me and Lance were meant for each other I know. But maybe we just aren't." It's the first time that Keith has said that himself and it leaves behind a bitter taste in his mouth. "Well… You probably should get out of the house. It's no good leaving you alone with your pessimistic self." Keith smiles but it doesn't feel genuine. "I will manage. Believe me." But Shiro is already set on his decision. "No backing out, tomorrow Adam and I will take you on a surprise trip." Adam's attention is immediately piqued. "What are we doing, darling?" Shiro smiles sheepishly back at him and he happily explains the plan for Saturday. Keith softly grins while taking a sip from his beverage. He still feels the sadness weighing over him but he feels like a tiny bit of his sadness has been lifted. 

Saturday around three in the afternoon he gets kidnapped by his brothers boyfriend. He even has to put on a blindfold for the entire time and thank God that Adam has a driver's license because Keith would never walk wherever they're going all the way with a blindfold. They arrive and the one to open the car door for him is Shiro who seems to have already waited. Keith hears screaming children and loud music and he smells a variety of foods. He knows immediately where they are,doesn't even have to take off the blindfold. "I don't think this was a good idea.", he exclaims but the blindfold gets torn off and now he has a free view on the fair that is taking place in front of him. "What why?", Shiro asks, just now having understood what was said. Shiro is pouting and clearly disappointed and even Adam seems to be frustrated. "Didn't Hunk tell you everything?" Shiro shrugs awkwardly. "Well mostly everything… So you've been here before?" Keith nods his head. "With Lance?" He nods again. "I mean I guess you're right, maybe this wasn't a good idea. If we go now we can go eat somewhere before the restaurants are overfilled." Even though he says so Shiro sounds disappointed and Keith immediately has to make it better or else he is going to feel ashamed for the rest of the day."I mean I guess we could make new memories here. Have fun. Just the three of us." Shiros face lightens up immediately. "Let's go." And he runs off at an impressive speed not even waiting for Keith and Adam to catch up. "You don't have to force yourself for us you know?" Adams tone is calm but Keith can hear worry swing along in his sentence. "I'm not. I really want to." Adam gives him a glance-over, the he nods his head and smiles warmly. "I'm just surprised the fair is still here. I thought it only was last weekend." Keith looks around and tries not to stare at the booths and attractions he visited with Lance. "The posters all said that it was going to be here for an entire month.", Adam answers. Just as Keith is about to respond Shiro comes sprinting back, taking the both of them by a hand and pulling them towards the haunted house. The entire ride Keith tries not to think about Lance but it's worse because he has to ride all himself and he has no one he can hide behind. When they get out Shiro wants to ride the ferris wheel and since once again only two people are allowed per cabin, Keith sits this one out and waits outside. He is standing in front of the Ferris Wheel waiting for them to return, kicking around a small rock and trying once again really hard to not think about Lance. Suddenly a man stops right next to him. He has red hair and is dressed in green and he could be a Leprechaun but Keith isn't high or drunk so he doesn't ask the man. "What do you think?" So it really doesn't help that the man has a heavy Irish accent. "Think of what?", Keith asks back. "Of the fair, of the ferris wheel." Keith looks at the ferris wheel from the top to the bottom. It's probably supposed to look vintage, maybe to spark some fake nostalgia in people but it looks nice. "It's nice.", it's all he really can say about it. "You know they say that two people who kiss while they're right at the top, will stay together for the rest of their life's." Keith thinks back to the soft touch of lips, right as the ferris wheel came to a halt at the top. "I think that's bullshit. And even if… the rest of their life's? That sounds way to complicated." The Leprechaun man has a sly grin on his face and he ogles Keith from the corner of his eyes. "What's so complicated about love?" Keith really doesn't want to have this conversation right now. He doesn't feel up to the life lesson this man is about to drop on him. Doesn't feel ready yet. But he also doesn't want to be rude. So he answers:"That things change and life long seems nearly impossible." The sly grin deepens. "So you're saying change stands in the way of life long love?" Keith sighs. "Essentially… Yes." The man fully turns to him and Keith fully turns to the man as well so now they're just staring at each other. "Now what you're saying. That sounds like bullshit to me." Keith furrows his brows. "How so?" The sly grin returns and once more it is pushing on Keith's last nerve but he can't help but give in. Needs to know this wise man's knowledge like he's some kind of young hero in a book. "Don't you think change and love go hand in hand? You can't watch a flower grow but people you see grow everyday." Keith hates it. He hates it, he hates it, he hates it. But he knows that the man is right. Maybe that's why he hates it. Maybe he doesn't want to admit that somewhere somehow he knew that things had to change. That him and Lance had to grow. And maybe somewhere somehow he understands why Lance didn't want to try again. "Do you think it's too late for me? To watch somebody grow?" It doesn't make any sense to ask this Irish man who doesn't know him, doesn't know Lance, doesn't know what happened between them. "My guy… I don't know you." Keith huffs out a small laugh. Of course - it was stupid to begin with. "But what do you have to lose?" What does he have to lose? His dignity? He didn't really have any to begin with. His hope? The door has closed already anyway. He just has to know, needs to know, if maybe he can open it again. Suddenly a hand crawls around his neck and takes it place at his shoulder. "So what do you want to do next?", Shiro asks but Keith stares at him, mouth opening and closing because he's not really sure how to get Shiro to drive him to Lance's. "Could you drive me to Lance?" Okay maybe that wasn't the way. Shiro looks unsure. "Keith… I don't think…" "Please. It's… A life or death situation." Shiro furrows his eyebrows. "Is it really?" Keith wants to say yes but he knows that lying about this could have grave consequences. "No but it is really important. Please Shiro." Shiro sighs. "Okay. Let's go." That was easier than expected. Adam, Shiro and Keith get into the car and Keith can't help but feel jittery. He keeps fumbling around with his fingers and pushing his legs up and down. He thinks of what he is going to say. Thinks about it for the entire ride and when they arrive at Lance's he is sure that he can do this. 

The courage leaves his heart right after he has rung the bell and Keith can feel every single nerve in his body twitching. Lance opens the main door without asking who it is and also his door just gets swung open. So he was probably expecting someone. He doesn't even wait at the door, which means Keith has to fully walk into his apartment and clear his throat before Lance notices him. He spins around in surprise standing in front of Keith in a baby blue hoodie that accentuates his eyes and black sweatpants. "So you're expecting someone?", this is not how Keith planned his speech to start. "What are you doing here Keith?", Lance's voice is cold, again. Like it has been for a while now. "We can't be over." Lance raises his brows. "And why is that?" Keith huffs out a breath and then he says: "Because a Leprechaun man told me so and because you kissed me on the top of that ferris wheel." Lance seems confused and Keith uses this confused silence to keep on talking: "Look I did so many things wrong. And I didn't mean to but accidentally I kept pulling you back into my messes one way or another. And I kept thinking that maybe it could go on like that forever. I didn't want things to change. And when they did I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. But that wasn't how it's supposed to be. It's okay if things change. It's okay if you or I change. But I want to change together. I want to see you grow. And maybe… maybe it doesn't work out anyway. Maybe we change and grow apart. But I just want to try. Just want to try to change and grow with you. All I want is a chance." He could go on forever but he doesn't get the chance to because suddenly Lance is sprinting at him, pulling him into a hug and kissing him softly. It's dramatic and cliché and Keith loves it. Loves him. Loves Lance. Loves Lance who is holding him and is kissing him. "Do you forgive me for what has happened?", he asks shyly. "I forgive you for most of what's happened. Some things… some things take more time than others Keith. But I want you to be there when I stop hurting over them Keith. I really want you to be there. Because… I still love you as well." Keith starts tearing up again." I love you so, so much." They stay put on their spot for a long time, just breathing and loving and neither of them notice Shiro and Pidge closing the door while exchanging pukey grimaces.

I still love you as well, still love you as well, love you as well, you as well, as well, well.  
I love you so, so much, love you so, so much, you so, so much, so, so much, so much, much. 

The smell of coffee wafts in through the open door that leads right into the living room. Keith wakes up like always point eight and like always Lance is already awake and cooking breakfast after his morning workout. "Did you get the mail?" Keith sits down at the table and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. "It's Sunday… no mail on Sundays remember?" Lance quickly walks over across the room and gives Keith a quick peck on the forehead. When he finishes the coffee he puts the first mug directly down on the table in front of Keith and then gets himself one, he finishes cooking the eggs and Keiths mind wanders off. It is Sunday so that means Shiro and Adam are having breakfast somewhere together, Hunk and Shay are out on a date, Matt and Pidge are visiting their parents and Allura is visiting Coran to help him with the flower shop and Keith is… Keith is at home with the love of his life. Lance puts down the plate of fried eggs, chorizo and beans in front of him. Keith takes two bites, then he looks up. "Wanna finish this in bed?" They quickly hurry back to bed and set their food down on the tray they have just for the special occasion of eating food in bed on a weekend. When they're finished they take the tray of the bed and lay back and Lance silently strokes his hair. It's not an uncomfortable silence. It's a loving moment of silence and Keith fully relaxes into Lance's arms. "I love you." "I love you too." It's a Sunday morning and Keith knows he should be cleaning the apartment or washing his clothes or doing his homework. But if he's being honest: he just can't be bothered right now.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first finished fanfiction. I wrote it a while ago and I have no idea if it's good or not? But I like it so... Thanks for reading. I don't have a tumblr anymore where you can scream at/with me, so I'm gonna list my art-instagram. dm if you like.  
[My instagram](https://www.instagram.com/tryingvhard.jpg/)


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